and love is not the easy thing

the perils of creek-crossing

2011-03-04T22:47:00.000-08:00

Funny how these memories come back at the most unexpected times, from a place so far away and, now, long ago.

From September to December 2007 I lived in Mahitsitady, a town you won't find on any map of Madagascar (off RN2, fokontany of Ambatolaona commune, Manjakandriana district, if you are into looking things up). It's the smallest town/village I've lived in, and it's a beautiful place. It's built around a rice paddy, of which you have a great view from just about anywhere in town, and I could tell stories all day of the gracious hospitality my host family showed in welcoming me into their home for ten weeks, teaching me a language and a culture in ways that a class could never cover. I went back to visit them a few times, in April 2008, in December 2008 with my biological family, and in February 2009 during consolidation, with a volunteer who lived with them in the training stage following ours, but I never got to say goodbye, not really.

But that's not what this is about. Tonight I was thinking about eyesight. The eyesight of seemingly every resident of Mahitsitady and the role it played in my ten-week life there.

In about the amount of time it took us to begin to understand the basics of the Malagasy language, we all picked up on the fact that our host families were watching everything we did. I had my own room, of course, with a door that locked, and I was in there alone for about 10 hours every night (7:30 pm-5:30 am, thereabouts), and the latrine and shower area were relatively private, but as soon as I left the house, I quickly realized I needed to keep in mind that my host family members would have their eyes on me at all times.

There are a few factors that contributed to this. One is Mahitsitady's construction. It's like a huge rice bowl, the central rice fields making up the bowl's foundation, and the houses and twisting dirt paths, most not wide enough for a car, comprising the sides of the bowl. My family lived directly across from the main road into and out of town, so it was a pretty good distance across this vast bowl. You could see their house as you entered town if you knew what to look for, but without perfect vision it would be hard to make out if someone were standing on the balcony (or lavarangana - what a great word) waving to you as you entered town.

They would be waving to you, though, it seems, because the second factor is the seemingly perfect eyesight of every resident of Vohitsara. When I arrived back to visit, someone would inevitably come to greet me as I approached my family's house on the road, because it seemed that they could make out every detail of who was arriving in town, especially by car/truck/Peace Corps vehicle (very rare!) and especially of that person's skin color. My host mom wore glasses, and by the time I went back to visit a second time, my 12-year-old host brother did too, but they seemed to be able to see what was happening a mile across the rice fields regardless, or perhaps as a result.

The final factor was the speed at which word of mouth managed to travel. This one in particular is the eighth wonder of the world, I think, and combined with the town's construction and the residents' impeccable eyesight, there were no secrets. A few of my fellow trainees dropped out of our program during training, and although my family had heard by the time I got home that day about the first one, I was eating dinner with them the day the second one left, and my host mother told my host brother that this person had left. She didn't know exactly who the trainee was, as she lived on the other side of the village from us, but my host mother had at least learned her name, who she lived with, and how sad her host mother was to see her go. She filled my host brother in on the details while we ate dinner, and I think he was the only person more shocked than I was that he hadn't heard all of this yet..."Marina ve???"

Our host families' ability to spy on us from anywhere, or at least hear everything they needed to know from others who had spied on us, made life in such a small town tough at times. There were one or two small shops in town where we could get cookies (Bolos!), stale loaves of bread, and other delicious treats. We would use our weekly allowances to buy afternoon snacks after class or during breaks a lot of days, until one day when one of our language trainers informed us that our host families were insulted to find out that we were buying cookies and other snacks when they thought they were feeding us enough. Rather than trying to explain that we had ENOUGH food, just not the right kind of food when we wanted it (we're Americans! we eat our feelings!), and that we were perfectly satisfied with their provision and content to eat both even if we weren't actually hungry, we reacted by trying to figure out how they could possibly know that we'd bought Bolos after class - were they standing on the balconies watching us? Talking about us as they walked to fetch water?

I never once saw anyone from my family standing on the balcony staring off across town waiting for something exciting to happen, but I do know that Sitraka, my host brother, showed up in my room one evening shortly thereafter asking me if I had any cookies. He knew!

Most weekends, when I would take my laundry down to the little creek that was designated by my family and others near us for doing laundry, my host mother would come with me and bring Sitraka, and she would finish the whole family's laundry long before I got half of mine done, so then she would take all the pairs of pants that I had, and begin scrubbing them herself, insisting that pants in particular are "difficult" so she needed to take care of them for me. Sitraka would jump in and help too, and it was a whole family affair. Glorious.

One week, though, she stayed behind for some reason, which was honestly a bit of a relief to me, a step toward independence as the end of training neared (although my first priority at my site was finding a mpanasalamba, or person to do my laundry for a fee - I was over it). Sitraka trailed along, though, and got probably half my laundry done for me.

He insisted on taking a different route than usual to the creek, though - rather than walking the longer way around, he took me on narrow paths in between the rice fields, which at one point involved crossing a narrow little creek on a bridge made out of two tree branches. The gap was probably at least ten or twelve feet wide, too far to jump, and the branches were probably each a diameter of less than six inches. They were perfectly shaped, sturdily placed next to each other, but still very narrow, as narrow as one of my feet, and as I watched Sitraka waltz across like he could have done it blindfolded, I realized this was going to be more of an ordeal than it should have been. I was carrying a basket full of a week's laundry, and as I started to walk across nonchalantly I quickly chickened out and stepped back onto land, also known as a narrow path next to a rice field. Sitraka was obviously trying to mask his amusement, maybe just respecting his vazaha zoky, and watched as I stood sideways, feet crossing both branches as my toes hung off the edge, and inched my way across very tentatively. I was probably halfway across when I realized that, no matter what she had been busy with that required her to stay behind, my host mother and most of the other neighbor families were all probably standing on their lavaranganas right now watching and laughing hysterically as I tried not to lose my balance and fall into the creek, which would be the only thing worse than inching my way so slowly across this "bridge."

I made it. I also made it on my way back, even though my basket of clothes was about seventeen times heavier since it was all soaking wet, but I'll never forget the dread that filled my heart as I realized just how rickety that little bridge was, and how I had to cross it with presumably the entire village watching.

sitting still

2010-10-21T18:02:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how starved I am for time to do nothing.

Not time to sleep, or read, or pray, or think about what I need to do this weekend or what I need to pick up at the grocery store. Not that I don't want time to do all of those things too; I just want more time on top of that. Time to sit and look out the window. Time to sit and not get anything done. Time to do nothing.

This is something that happens a lot in Madagascar, and, I surmise, in much of the non-Western world. People work fewer hours in the week at their jobs. Things take longer to do (getting places, household chores, etc.), but there are more hours in the day when you don't spend all your time rushing from one thing to the next. Nobody is bored (I never learned how to say "bored" in Malagasy - it's just not a widely-discussed concept) and nobody needs stimulation surrounding them every minute of every day. The TV isn't always on because it can't be, and the Internet is... wait, what's that? There are no viral Youtube videos to watch, and no statuses need to be updated. When we're away from constant stimulation, we're bored out of our minds in a matter of minutes. When a Malagasy person, even a Malagasy child, doesn't have anything to do, it seems like they usually appreciate a few minutes away from hard work, a few minutes to step back and not really do anything.

I miss that. I know, I miss a lot of things. I think it's healthy though. The frenetic pace of the average American urban or suburban life can't be healthy, and I think we would do well to break our dependence on stimulation, on getting things done constantly. Most Americans I know who have lived in a place like Madagascar had a lot of trouble with the slow pace of life, often frustratingly slow and inefficient. It's difficult to get to a place where you've set out to change the world, or the community at the very least, and realize that there's so much time in the day for sitting and staring at the wall, not to be confused with the 10 hours a night that you spend sleeping, the several hours a day you spend reading, the time you spend shooting the breeze with the neighbors, etc. But I came to depend on it. Maybe it's introversion, maybe it's laziness (did I just call introverts lazy? I didn't mean it); maybe it's a healthier way to live. Maybe we have a thing or two to learn, in our culture in which it's completely normal for me to spend 9 and a half hours a day at work, 3 hours commuting, 7 sleeping, and... what does that leave? Four or so? I don't know where those four hours go but I sure don't have much of a chance to use them to not do anything.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find this time in American culture? The weekends are when I have the most free time, but if I decide today, Thursday night, that I want some totally free and unscheduled time this weekend, I'll inevitably either use it to get things done that I need to do, like actually apply to grad school, or I'll end up committing to something - something fun, something I want to do, but clearly nobody says, "Oh, I can't make it, I was planning to sit and stare at the wall from 2 to 3 on Saturday afternoon!"

Is this a problem? I don't know. Is it something we would do well to consider? Probably. Most Americans I know, including myself through 2007, would go crazy if they tried to spend any time actually not doing anything. But Malagasy life rubbed off on me, and there were plenty of times when I would finish eating dinner and, intending to sit down with a book, spend a few minutes first just sitting, enjoying the free time and the cool air after finally having turned off the stove with the windows shut against mosquitoes. Or the afternoons I'd spend out on my front step, my favorite place in my house, mostly enclosed in my yard's fence so I didn't have huge crowds stopping by, but sitting where I could just see out into the street and be seen by people walking by, who'd often wave a hello and continue any an-tsena. I'd often go to the market, bring back my full bag (mitondra matavy an!), and grab some little street food item as a pre-dinner snack on my way back, then not even make it in my door before I'd sit on the steps for a few minutes, eating my snack and just sitting as the sun set behind me. Laziness and sloth? My culture would say yes. Mahafinaratra/beautiful? Malagasy culture would say yes.

One of these weekends...

beginnings

2010-09-09T20:41:00.000-07:00

It's time for a beginning. Again. In what I feel like has been a year and then some of stops and starts, frustrations, new beginnings, and a general feeling of rootlessness in various locations, I'm embarking on a definite new beginning, one intended to be more or less semi-permanent. I've spent much of this summer applying for dozens and dozens of jobs outside of Virginia Beach, wanting to settle down for a while in a new place - "What does he know of Virginia who only Virginia knows?" as Mr. Holmes would say. I've taken a job with nonprofit organization in downtown Boston, starting in just a few days!

I always get nervous about big changes and new beginnings. I guess everyone does, but the reason I usually end up deciding to make a change is because it feels right. I'm a Myers-Briggs F (for feeling, as opposed to thinking) for sure, weighing pros and cons, considering all of my options, but ultimately making the decision that feels best. It's an inexact science, but so far it's worked well enough for me, because even though I always find myself nervous and resistant to change in the days and weeks right before a big change, and still uncertain when I arrive in a new place, I always settle in and am so happy I did what I did. I'm confident the same will happen this time, even if the beginning is tough.

On my third day of high school in 1999 (11 years ago?? where did the time go?), I was walking briskly through the rain after school, trying to find my bus in the area where dozens of buses were parked waiting to take their riders to various places all over the city. I knew the number, and had ridden it already my first few days of school, but that didn't necessarily make it any easier to find, as it took several minutes to walk from the front to the back of the area where the buses parked, and as many of them were double-parked, there were a lot of numbers to look at before identifying the right one. I was hurrying to find the right one before they started to leave, just five minutes or so after school got out, and even though the rain seemed to be clearing up, the grassy areas between the school and the sidewalks had quickly turned muddy. As I cut through the grass across one sidewalk corner, I suddenly found myself sitting on the ground - my feet had seemingly flown out from under me and I had landed, in khaki-colored pants, on the muddy ground. I was 14 and surrounded by approximately 2000 people, all of whom I was already pretty certain were cooler than me, and that was before I was sitting in the mud. All that was hurt was my pride, but that's a significant enough injury when you're a freshman, on your third day of school, wishing that your ankle was twisted or your wrist broken instead of your dignity being so badly bruised, having to face a 20 minute ride home with muddy pants. It was fine and I was glad it was the end of the day, not the beginning, but I knew I had nowhere to go but up in my remaining weeks, months, and years at Princess Anne.

I could tell too many stories of falling down in public places (at least two significant ones from college come to mind), but one more really sticks out in my memory of beginning new adventures. In December 2007, after ten weeks of training, I swore in as a Peace Corps volunteer in Antananarivo, Madagascar, and headed up to Vohitsara, a 200 mile drive to the northeast, to begin my two-year (or so I thought at the time) service. I was being installed at my site along with Kristen, south of my site, and Ben, to the east, and my site was the farthest from Tana, so we took a few days to make it to Vohitsara. After spending a night in Moramanga and two in Ambato, I headed to the best, excuse me, west coast of Lac Alaotra with Linda Jo, a PC staff member who was charged with the task of "installing" me at my site - serving as sort of a liaison to important people in the community I would meet, helping me buy things, translating in my early days of being mahay teny gasy, etc. - and Johnny, a really awesome driver who worked for Peace Corps and was definitely a favorite in the Alaotra area - he was really helpful with a lot of the same things, and of course was an expert at tying things to the roof of the 4x4, driving in places most cars couldn't, and maybe the most important area of expertise when installing three people with a smaller car, fitting a LOT of stuff into the car along with five people.

We arrived in Tanambe, Vohitsara's big brother to the west, and had lunch with Greggory, who brought me my first mail to arrive in Tanambe! Already! Then the four of us piled into the car and drove out to Vohitsara, just five miles or so down the road but a bit longer of a drive than you might think due to the quality of the road. We spent a while unloading my stuff, cleaning the cobwebs out of my house, putting new locks on the doors, and trying to get basic things set up - somebody of influence in the town secured two tables and two chairs that I was allowed to borrow from the town hall for free for the two years, and Johnny got my self-igniting (!) gas stove hooked up to the gas tank I'd bought in Ambato, and then set to work on my bike. He was quite the handyman, which was fortunate because my bike was brand new and at this time was still in a box, not really resembling a rideable bike yet. I had some basic bike tools and a pump, furnished by Peace Corps, and he used those to put it all together, and then we all stood out in front of my house while he told me to take it for a spin, just to make sure everything was in working order. I took the bike out into the main road, right in front of my house, where there were no bikes or cows coming. I didn't realize that the tires weren't really inflated well, or that the bike was in a really low gear, until it was too late; I did realize that the seat was too high, but figured I'd do my best for just a quick ride. I hopped on, with Linda Jo, Johnny, Greggory, and probably at least 15 neighbors who had gathered to look on, watching, and started pedaling, realizing when it was too late to correct the situation that I was about to fall over. I fell over. In the middle of the main road. On my first day, maybe my first hour, in my new town. With many Vohitsarans watching, as they always were whenever I went anywhere or did anything. Again, I was fine, able to easily pick myself up and dust myself off, and realized it wasn't my fault, that the confluence of many factors had made this new bike not quite yet suitable for riding, but that didn't change the fact that probably twenty people saw me fall off my bike, and probably many more would hear about me falling off my bike, and I would never have another chance to make a first impression. I like to think I lived it down a little bit over the next year and a half, but although it wasn't the last time I fell off my bike (a high quality mountain bike lends itself to daring adventures), it was the only time I fell off it in the middle of a flat dry road, with many of my neighbors watching.

The beginning may be hard. Leaving the old things to move on to new things may be hard. I might fall off my bike or slip in the mud at a pivotal moment. I might make embarrassing impressions. But I might also find myself, after the dust clears, in a place I love, a new place that becomes familiar, that's sad and impossibly hard to leave when it's time for the next new beginning.

uh-merica

2010-07-04T09:37:00.001-07:00

(written Tuesday 29 June 2010, 3:05 pm Japan Standard Time)

I wouldn’t exactly call myself a patriot. While I don’t want to be overly political, I will say that I am not always proud of my country and all that it does, and there is much American foreign and domestic policy that I don’t exactly agree with. I have been to and lived in countries where the United States is appreciated and, I daresay, loved. I never once met a Malagasy person who had anything bad to say about America or Americans, except maybe that they had heard it’s a violent place, and compared to Madagascar and many countries, it is; moreover, American flags are fashion statements in many places outside of our borders. I have, on the other hand, also been to places and in situations where I have pretended to be Canadian, for fear of associating myself with a nation of questionable popularity in certain places. I cringe when I hear Americans say ignorant and ethnocentric things, and I definitely join in the mocking of our monolingual nature – What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Trilingual. What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bilingual. What do you call someone who speaks one language? An American. I’ve been impressed in recent months to see Chinese people go out of their way to accommodate people like me who have the audacity to live in their country without speaking their language; there seems to be a general cultural idea that English should be widely spoken, and a cultural and personal shame among the many who do not speak it. It is easy to get out of many situations, even with security or police officers, by playing the “Ting bu dong” or “I don’t understand” card. I’ve explained to Chinese friends that this blows me away because Americans are often sadly and incredibly intolerant of those who don’t speak English well or at all – forgetting that it’s a difficult language, some people are newly arrived or just visiting, and those people are usually trying harder to speak English than most native speakers ever have, Americans are quick to insist that those who aren’t fluent in English can “get back on the boat” or “go back to where they came from.” I’ve been incredulous in recent months at the law institutionalizing racial profiling in Arizona; sure, foreigners are profiled, targeted, and taken advantage of at times in other countries, but usually countries that we try to distance ourselves from, not countries calling themselves things like “the land of the free.” Imagine an American police officer, not knowing much more Spanish than “Hola,” confronting a Spanish-speaking immigrant whose English vocabulary is limited to a few key phrases like “I don’t understand,” and upon realizing that he can’t communicate in this confrontation, responding with humility and grace, realizing that maybe the immigrant should work on his English or maybe he, the officer, should work on his Spanish – communication is a two-way street, after all, and while I believe Chinese is the official language of China, the United States actually does not have an official language. You wouldn’t know it from some attitudes.

Anyway, before I sound too virulently anti-American, let me note that I have been rethinking some of this recently. Why? The world has come together in the Southern Hemisphere in the name of the beautiful game, that’s why. I’ve been watching as much World Cup as possible, and while I was sad to see the U.S. team eliminated by Ghana a few nights ago after a good run that saw one incredible last-minute win and another come-from-behind that should have been, my cheering for the U.S., in something that doesn’t involve nukes, bombs, immigration policy, or anybody being killed, has reminded me that when the circumstances are right, there are reasons to cheer for the United States, and maybe even reasons to be proud to be an American. Most of my friends in Beijing would probably actually be really surprised to read that first paragraph (if they could access this… wah wah) after seeing how I cheered for the U.S., sang patriotic songs, and proudly waved our flag (literally), because my support of the team almost pegged me as a patriot. When all of those things that dishearten and embarrass me about America are absent, though, and the come-from-behind, never-say-die (well, until overtime) American spirit remains, I really am proud of my country. I read in a New York Times article that Alexi Lalas, an American soccer superstar from the 90s, said that none of his teammates in a European league would ever have the same attitude as an American when they were losing a game, the can-do attitude that is necessary for a comeback. I was so proud to see the American team come out in the second half the way they did in the 2-2 tie against Slovenia; after all, they were down by 2 at the half and many would have assumed that it was over by then. They came back to score three goals, one of which was famously disallowed by a ref who gave no explanation and to my knowledge has not been given any games to ref since. Between that, tying the traditional powerhouse England (lucky, yes), and scoring on what felt like the millionth try against Algeria in the 91st minute, when it really was down to do or die, catapulting the team from an early exit to first in their group in a split second, the Americans impressed me with their spirit. I think we have much to learn from the rest of the world. However, I’m proud to be from a country where we’re privileged enough and idealistic enough to really believe we can change things about the world around us. I’m proud to be from a country where I can watch our soccer team come out for the second half and be confident that I have every reason to keep watching the game, 2-0 deficit or not. America doesn’t always make me proud, but I meant every line of every patriotic song I sang and every tongue-in-cheek statement I made about loving freedom during those two weeks of determined footballing.

I’m writing this in the Tokyo Narita airport, although I’ll be in the States by the time I post it, as my blog is fortunately not blocked here but unfortunately inaccessible because the Internet costs $6 to use. I left China at 8:30 this morning (Tuesday the 29th), and I’ll get into LA at 11:10 this (?) morning, over 12 hours from now. I’m time traveling. Tonight I’ll proceed to Denver, arriving at midnight Tuesday night, about 30 hours after leaving Beijing Tuesday morning with a 14 hour time difference. I’ll be there for the week and home over the weekend.

the stale taste of polluted air

2010-06-04T22:16:00.000-07:00

Well, three and a half weeks from now I'm going to be on a plane bound for the other side of the world - LAX via Tokyo, a 9-hour layover in LA during which I will hopefully make it to In-N-Out Burger and the Pacific Ocean, on to Denver for 4 days for my dear friend Sarah's wedding, and home the night of the 3rd, just in time to spend the 4th watching fireworks on the bay. I'm trying to enjoy my remaining time here as much as possible, spending plenty of time during the days relaxing in coffee shops and during the evenings sitting outside enjoying some of Beijing's finest food and beverages, especially as I feel like time for similar activities is so much harder to come by at home. I'm also making an effort, beginning right now, to write more regular observation-type blog updates, to change my habit of waiting forever and having to write a marathon update of what I've been doing for the last two months and what I have coming up during the next month during which there will surely be no update. My blog is difficult to access here at times, as many websites, including blogspot.com blogs, are blocked by the great firewall of China. However, I can usually access it once a week or more often, depending on my efforts to make it to places with outside networks, so I hope this plan for better updates will happen while I'm still here.

Anyway, some recent observations and musings: As summer quickly approaches, I'm quickly realizing how opposed to sun exposure many Chinese people are. This is a generalization, of course, but many Chinese people have the opposite attitude from the one in my home culture; that is, they want to stay as light-skinned as possible, avoiding sun exposure not just to protect from sunburn/skin cancer but also to avoid darkening their skin. Skin whitening products are as ubiquitous as are tanning products in the States, and it is not uncommon to see people wearing long sleeves, gloves, a hat, a visor covering their entire face, etc. on a hot and sunny day, and many people carry umbrellas when it's sunny, a practice I became used to in Madagascar, where the sun is unbelievably intense, but here it's about as intense as it is in the northern-middle United States - typically you won't get a severe sunburn if you're outside for 45 minutes or an hour. I was teaching a student who's getting ready to go to university in the States this fall, and in fact will be leaving soon so has discontinued our weekly spoken English practice, and she was shocked when I used the phrase "nice tan" to describe what we hope for when spending time outside in the summer, or the silver lining that can result from a burn. I explained that we like to get some color, generally the darker the better, during the warmer months in an American summer, and she asked if she would have trouble finding skin whitening products when she gets to Indiana. I informed her she would actually find the opposite, but almost definitely no skin whitening products - might want to bring some with her.

Another thing I've noticed since being here is my increasing propensity to use the word "America." This may not seem like a big deal, but during my years in the Hispanic Studies program at William & Mary, I quickly was broken of the habit of referring to the United States as "America," as my home country is no more American than any other country in the Western Hemisphere. "The United States" is a little bit longer to say than "America," and I'm not a fan of always being too overly politically correct, but I've generally strayed from non-intentional regular use of the word "America." Until I got here, that is. In China, as was sort of the case in Madagascar but to a much lesser extent, if you use the phrase "United States" people will often have no idea what you're talking about - then you drop the A-bomb and they immediately respond, "Oh, America!" For convenience's and communication's sake, I've begun almost exclusively using the A-word instead of the politically correct name.

Here's a heartwarming story to close things out - the other night I was leaving a coffee shop where I had been tutoring a student, about a 15 minute walk from home, a few minutes before 7 pm. I felt a few drops of rain begin to fall, but, hurrying home, figured I could make it. Just as I thought about how it never rains too hard in Beijing and at least it's nothing like a Virginia summer thunderstorm, the sky opened up. I didn't have an umbrella, and didn't really care about getting wet except that I was carrying a bag with my phone and iPod, so I briefly considered taking a taxi the remaining 10 minute walk home but didn't see any passenger-less taxis around. I hunkered down for the walk home, but before I got far a woman approached me and held her umbrella over my head. She was walking in the same direction and wanted to share her umbrella, an act of kindness I would never have expected. We couldn't really communicate with each other, but I've found that many Chinese people don't seem surprised when I don't speak their language, and even are appreciative of my most basic efforts to use the few Chinese words I do know. We walked for a while together, and she lived right outside of the gate of my neighborhood, so as we approached the gate I pointed to my building and tried to communicate that we were close, it wasn't raining as hard anymore, and I could definitely make it alone the rest of the way. She insisted in basic English that I come up to her apartment and take an umbrella with me, which I thought was too much, considering I was maybe two minutes from my door at this point. We both kept insisting, until finally I called my roommate to ask her to communicate that I could make it home alone, and that I was incredibly grateful for her generosity. The woman seemed satisfied by this explanation, but still dropped off her little bag of groceries with the guards by the gate, and walked me to my building, all the way to the door. I felt bad that all I could say upon arriving was a simple "Xie xie" - "thank you." She left with her umbrella and I made it up the stairs to change into dry clothes and wash my disgusting flip-flopped feet. Quite an experience.

waves lapped my sandy toes yesterday

2010-05-14T00:04:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting in the arrivals hall of Hong Kong International Airport, having staked out some space to spend a few hours. I’m departing, not arriving, but it turns out the only pre-security Starbucks is in arrivals, downstairs from departures. My hostel required me to check out this morning, so I headed to the airport so I would know for sure how much money and time I had, instead of hanging out in Tsim Sha Tsui (where I was staying) and having to budget time and money to get to the airport in the afternoon. I don’t fly out till 5:35 (on time, please… I don’t want to spend the night in Shanghai) so used 57 of my last 60 HK dollars to get lunch and a latte, and now, satisfied to have spent all of my money but 3 HK$ (less than 50 cents), I’m sitting and waiting until it’s reasonable time to check in upstairs.

My arrival back in Beijing tonight (if all goes as planned) will mark 3 months to the day since I arrived in Beijing to stay for a while. I’m renewing my visa in Hong Kong, just like I did last month, but have generally stayed in Beijing this whole time, and life there feels pretty normal now. I teach a few days a week, mostly just doing private tutoring for students, and it pays well enough that I can work very part-time and make ends meet. My students provide me with some pretty good anecdotes, not all of which are fit for posting on here, but ask me and I’ll share. One of them has a cook who makes lunch, a car she gives me rides in, and a dog that just had many fluffy white puppies, one of which she offered to me (I used all my willpower to decline, as I won’t be in Beijing long enough to keep it, and it will grow too big to live in a small apartment). Another is going to university in the US in the fall, so we spend a lot of time discussing what to expect and differences between life here and there (“here” being Beijing, not Hong Kong, where I actually am right now). Another two students I teach together, and they both have very basic English levels but are good enough to say “Take care! Good luck!” to me at the end of class.

I’m planning to return to the US in June, probably right at the end of the month, in time for my dear friend Sarah Yates’s wedding in early July, then will probably arrive home around the 4th and plan to spend a week in mid-July vacationing with my family aboard a Bermuda-bound cruise ship (rough life, I know). My plan after that is still a little up in the air, but I’m considering a few places in the US to live in starting around early August. I’ve applied for a couple jobs and as the time gets closer, I’ll apply for more.

I’m glad I came to Beijing. My time there isn’t over yet, of course, so it’s not really time to talk about it in past kinds of terms, but I came knowing I’d only stay a little while and wondered if it would be worth it to live somewhere I’d never really call “home,” somewhere I wouldn’t invest in like I would if I would be there long-term, somewhere I wouldn’t ever speak the language or know like the back of my hand. I’ve been trying to be fully present in Beijing, in spite of the short-term nature of things, and think I’ve mostly been able to do so, perhaps because I don’t know exactly where I’m going from here. I do know that my life isn’t here, which is the main thing keeping me from staying longer. I miss the little things that have defined familiarity with other places I’ve lived in more long-term, but at the same time I’ve been thankful to get away from the familiarity that made much of last year difficult. I think being in Beijing made it much easier to decide where to go next than it would have been if I had stayed home, and let’s face it, teaching 8-10 hours a week is way better than working at a drive-thru 39 hours a week for only a little bit more money.

I lost my iPod headphones the other day, through an unexpected sequence of events that led them to end up in Virginia. They should be en route back here soon, but for the time being I was dying without any music to accompany me on my travels, so I looked in a few stores in Hong Kong, found nothing cheaper than 170 HK$ (about $25), and then strolled through the market area downstairs from where I was staying, finding a pair for 20 HK$ that were a lesser-known brand but dare I say seemed similar to the ones for sale for more than 8 times as much in a store. I figured I had 3 bucks to lose and bought them, and so far they seem to be working in my computer and iPod. They’re not the best sound quality, and they’re sort of uncomfortable in my ears, but they’re doing the trick for the time being, and I hope my trip back to Beijing isn’t as silent as my trip from Beijing was.

My arms got sunburned pretty significantly a few weeks ago (my forearms, no less, since I only put sunscreen on my upper arms and shoulders), and they’re STILL peeling, but at least they’re turning to a nice shade that’s unlikely to burn again anytime soon, especially through the Beijing smog.

Alright, it’s just after 3 and seems like a reasonable time to venture upstairs to check in for a flight that I’m hoping will leave on time so I can make my connection in Shanghai! Thanks for reading!

can't sing but i've got seoul

2010-03-15T05:08:00.000-07:00

All credit goes to Bobby Wermus for the title... he in fact recommended that I go to Seoul rather than Hong Kong for visa resetting purposes solely because of the punny possibilities with the name. That didn't make my decision, but I can't pretend it didn't have any impact.

So, i've been in China for a month, actually as of yesterday. It's been great. I'm really happy to be there, if only for a relatively short time (this first month went by so quickly). Not only did the month fly by, it was packed full of things like the Chinese new year, a brief battle with the common cold and some temporary voice loss, some sightseeing, some Chinese acrobats, some making new friends, some eating rice, a job translating cultural elements of the Oscars (assisting a linguistic translator, that is, and getting more money than I maybe should have for two hours of easy work), getting my name writ large on CCTV credits for said translating job, and more. I actually feel like it wasn't really until the last week or two that I've had a lot of time to look for some more steady work, and that search is going ok. I've had a couple of English teaching/tutoring agencies offer me work, but have been sort of picky because I've been encouraged by friends who know that I can be picky, and not accept anything below a certain hourly rate, etc. So things are going well. I guess things are still a little uncertain on the work front, but I'm really happy I made the decision to come to China.

Right now I'm in Seoul, commemorating my one-month anniversary of arriving in China by renewing my visa here. My visa is good for a year but just requires me to leave the country once every 30 days, which is annoying, but so it goes. There are ways around this, and there are various ways to leave the country (train/bus to Mongolia, train/flight to Hong Kong, flight to Korea, etc.), but I'm glad I decided to come to Seoul this time. I'm only here 24 hours, and don't have a lot of time or money to do a lot of sightseeing, but I've enjoying exploring the Hyehwa area where I'm staying. It's REALLY different from Beijing, almost reminiscent of Europe in ways, with narrow winding cobblestone streets and tons of little cafes. I have no idea what the rest of the city is like, but this area is nice, and I feel sort of surrounded by America (Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts, Subway, McDonald's, Smoothie King, KFC, etc.) - more so than in Beijing. It's also expensive, so I'm glad to only be in the area 24 hours or less, but it's been nice just walking around. Today it was raining in the morning, and really humid and sticky, which was an unfamiliar feeling coming from dry Beijing, but in midafternoon the rain stopped and the sun came out, and it was so nice and warm (mid-50's... it was in the 30's across the water in Beijing today) and I walked around and enjoyed the sun and walking without a coat on! Seoul also seems SO much less crowded than Beijing, although I just learned from Wikipedia that it's the second largest metropolitan area in the world (behind Tokyo), so I can't imagine where all those people are. In Beijing they're all in my subway car.

Anyway, just thought I'd throw a little update out there while I can - I can't access my blog from China without using a proxy server, so want to get this up while I'm in Korea. Thanks for reading!

love is not a victory march

2010-02-06T15:15:00.000-08:00

A year ago this month, I was still in Madagascar, but trouble was brewing – or had brewed and was bubbling over. I was cooped up at the Peace Corps Training Center, an hour or so east of Tana, with 75 of my closest volunteer friends, for the first half of February, watching from afar while the happenings in the big city changed on a dime – one day we were getting ready to head back to our sites, the next we were packing our bags to go home early. All of you know how these events ended up playing out in my life – by late February I was back at my site, living it up with my neighbors, my new puppy, kapaoka after kapaoka of rice, and visiting friend Sarah Yates, and by mid-March things took a sudden turn for the worse and I was on a plane to a weeklong evacuation imprisonment in Johannesburg, South Africa, from where most of you heard from me by email. After that, my life turned into a six to eight month-long wait for the opportunity to go back to Madagascar, punctuated only by the many uncertainties that nagged me while I was living at home hoping a return would work out. After it didn’t the first time, I backed out of the reinstatement process, for reasons many and complicated, and spent a few months working at a sandwich shop here in town, beginning to look at serious other routes to take after the new year. I was excited to spend Christmas with my family for the first time since 2006, but felt as if I had spent 2009 exploring so many different trajectories, uncertain of which to take, which easily kept me in the same place as the year passed. It was time to change that at the first of the year.

(This entire paragraph is about politics: feel free to skip it if you’re not into that.) As for how 2009 played out for the Malagasy, well, as an observer who hasn’t been there in 11 months, I would have to say it hasn’t worked out so hot. Things have calmed down a lot, and there hasn’t been much violence at all in many many months. The former DJ/mayor of Tana, Andry Rajoelina/TGV, is now de facto president, although in many cases he is not internationally recognized. The former president, twice-democratically elected Marc Ravalomanana, overthrown by TGV last March, has been in exile in South Africa since the same week I went to South Africa last March. Many of his followers still support him and eagerly anticipate his return, and he promises he’ll be home soon; he seems to be biding his time, as his safety would likely be in jeopardy if he returned. TGV had pledged to hold presidential elections in exchange for being named head of the transitional government; at this time he has no plan for presidential elections, but is planning parliamentary elections in March instead, claiming that the people will speak at that time and the new government (including a prime minister but not a new president) will be appointed at that time by the people. He seems to have backed out of negotiations as of a couple of months ago, although his rival parties remain very willing to negotiate. Madagascar remains suspended from the AU (African Union) and the SADC (Southern African Development Community). The president of Malawi has recently taken over as head of the AU; the former head was Muammar Gaddafi of Libya, and now the AU seems to be moving toward more strongly opposing coups and dictatorships, as opposed to where they were under Gaddafi. A few days before Christmas, the Obama administration announced Madagascar’s suspension from AGOA (African Growth and Opportunity Act) privileges; this legislation, developed in 2000 under Clinton, provides trade preferences for African countries, creating jobs and enhancing the economies of countries that qualify. This suspension is estimated to singlehandedly eliminate thousands, perhaps tens or hundreds of thousands, of jobs in Madagascar, punishing the poor for the sins of the rich (and the children for the sins of the fathers, on top of that – how many kids will have to drop out of school to help support their now-unemployed parents?).

A year ago tomorrow, about 30 people were killed and many more injured (in a country with no hope for health care reform) in shootings that will surely be somberly commemorated this weekend in Tana. I heard about it by text message as it happened last year, and it was scary and heartbreaking and, well, unthinkable really, for us, imagining peace-loving Malagasy people, like the ones we lived next door to and trusted like family, engaged in bloody conflict. They were probably mostly people who were dissatisfied with the way their lives were going – understandably, in many cases – who got caught up in a political rally that ended unimaginably violently. Sadly, both sides of the political imbroglio at the time blamed the deaths on the other side, using these victims as pawns in their scheme to grasp power at any expense, and all those deaths resulted in, if anything, is a situation that surely today is not better for anyone (except perhaps TGV and a few of his cronies) than things were a year or so ago. Things are calm, but jobs are still being lost; a friend of mine from the region where I lived said when I last talked to him that things were fine in the region, and people had continued with their lives like normal, but in Tana many people have lost jobs and are in a worse situation than they were before. This country couldn’t afford to lose all that it has lost.

I was surprised to return and hear how many people were excited to hear the story of the coup; people would exclaim things like “A coup? That’s awesome!” The consensus among some seems to be that this great story is advantageous to have under my belt, maybe for future cocktail party conversations or games of two truths and a lie. I couldn’t disagree more with these exclamations, with all due respect to those who made them. There is nothing glamorous or sexy about a coup in a third world country. It engenders poverty in a place where the poor already face the consequences of others’ bad decisions, and poverty is an ugly, disgusting, appalling thing.

Fortunately, Malagasy people are resilient; they have dealt with great hardship in their history and in their individual lives. Peace Corps is back on the ground, as are a number of other NGOs, some of which never left, and I heard recently personally from the founder of Friends of Madagascar, which also continues its work in the country in spite of everything. There’s no telling if things will flare back up at any point, but things seem to be ok for the time being. As was the case last year, the vast majority of the population’s future will hinge on the quality of the rice harvest in May/June, rather than the outcome of parliamentary elections or any other political determinants. I still hope to go visit as soon as possible, and say a proper goodbye to dear friends there, although I’m not sure yet when that will happen.

For now, my plan is: China. If this is a total surprise to you, well, SURPRISE! Most of you probably know I’ve been toying with the idea for a while. I’ll probably only be there a few months; my plan isn’t really set in stone and I’m ok with that so I hope you are too. I have good friends who live there (in Beijing, specifically) and have been very helpful and encouraging in letting me know that it’s an easy place to spend some time and pick up some cash doing English-related jobs (teaching, tutoring, editing, those kinds of things). I have a place to live and think finding a job should be easier than finding one in the States. So, I leave next Saturday, and I’ll be in touch via email and Skype (ask me for my name)!

ataovy moramora

2009-12-06T19:32:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I don't want to update this because I can't think of a good title. I need to brainstorm them ahead of time. I think I need a new blog title too (like the title for the whole blog, not for this post).

Here's the latest:
a) I'm still in Virginia Beach. I'm working at a sandwich place (ask where and I'll tell you and you can visit me at the drive-thru) and basically just saving up some cashola while I apply for other jobs and things like that. I'd like to move on, go somewhere other than Virginia Beach, not because it's bad here but because I need a fresh start. It's been a crazy year, and I think the best way to go about the future is to get out of my own head, out of my hometown, and into the world at large. What exactly I'll do there, I'm not so sure, which is why I've been biding my time, but I have some thoughts as to things I can do in a while if I nothing comes of these job applications after a while. One thing that's made 2009 tough is actually the abundance of options - go back to Madagascar, job, grad school, etc. For so long I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and so I didn't do anything, except plan to go back to Madagascar, and so everything fell apart again when that didn't work out. I'm still not sure what I want to do, for now, in the short-term, honestly, but it's nice to have this job, as low-wage and frustrating as it sometimes is, and I've decided against grad school for a while, so I'm just looking at various options, but in a more concentrated and focused way than I had been. Uncertainty can be totally paralyzing, and I felt like that was how it was for me for a while. Then again, I'm not totally sure that's over, and I'm not writing about this from a position-of-strength hindsight point of view, necessarily, yet.

b) I'm not going back to Madagascar, at least not reinstating with Peace Corps. I decided against that, feeling like it was the best decision I could make at the time, after taking a few weeks after the reinstatement was postponed. I didn't want to be crushed by another cancellation, and now I still wonder if that was the best decision. But it's the decision I made, so we'll see where things go from here. I would still consider going back for a while if there were any Peace Corps Response positions that opened up (http://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=resources.former.response) that I was qualified for, and I may go back and visit for a while next summer, if I can get myself together and save up enough money (now accepting donations... kidding... sort of).

c) Peace Corps has returned to Madagascar. There are 11(?) PC Volunteers there now, all previously volunteers in Madagascar, most (or all?) working in different towns than their previous sites. I think this is great. I'm jealous, but I think it's fantastic, for them but especially for the country as a whole, that things seem to be returning to normal. The former mayor of the capital, Antananarivo, 35-year-old former DJ Andry Rajoelina, is now internationally recognized, as far as I understand it, as president of the country (albeit with two "co-presidents" under him), and the president (Marc Ravalomanana) who he ousted by military force, with the backing of a small portion of the population, is in exile in South Africa and has been since the week I left Madagascar in March. Ravalomanana and other politicians are still working to hammer out the details of the transitional government that was decided upon last month, but Rajoelina refused to meet with them in Maputo (the capital of Mozambique) this week, claiming that it was "shameful" and expensive to go there - he never claimed this about any of their previous meetings at which he was campaigning for transitional president. As someone who is no longer a PC Volunteer, I can freely say that I think his current position is a crock; his recognition as Madagascar's president legitimates the coup, and that is what is actually shameful. At the same time, I applaud the consensus that has been reached, in hopes that it will bring back jobs to some who have lost theirs, and stimulate growth in the tourism sector especially, as a lot of people have suffered unnecessarily due to the egos of politicians. As is the case in many of these situations, the excesses, extravagances, and self-seeking of the rich often fall hardest on the poor. I talked to a good friend in the regional capital of the Alaotra region, where I lived, on Thanksgiving, and he said things are rough there because it's the poor season now and the rains started early, but fortunately job loss hasn't hit hard there; it's hit hardest in Tana. I really miss my friends in Vohitsara, and I really miss the food, and I really miss speaking Malagasy. I even sort of miss taxi-brousses and dirt roads. I really wish I had gotten to say goodbye and that's what I hope to do next summer.

d) I've been doing a lot of writing about Madagascar, not with any end in mind, but just to get some of it down on paper before I forget it. I recently finished a book called The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood; it was sent to me in Madagascar last year by someone I didn't even know, through CNN's Christmas Cards for the Troops program (we got hooked up by another RPCV from our training stage who went home and worked for CNN), and this woman who sent it said it was one of her favorite books. I forgot I had brought it home, and found it recently, had trouble getting into it, and ended up loving it. I want to read it again but am currently enjoying Sandra Cisneros's Caramelo, which I read in a Hispanic Studies class in college and kept because I liked it so much. It's even better with no academic pressures. I'm also enjoying Switchfoot's Hello Hurricane album, Regina Spektor's Begin to Hope, and Thao (W&M '06!) with the Get Down Stay Down's Know Better Learn Faster these days. I'm wishing I had some of the scarves that were the only thing in my house that Peace Corps didn't mail to me, now that the weather's colder. I'm enjoying having dear friends, who I haven't seen in ages, coming into town for Christmas, as I recall all the excitement with which I once approached this far off COS (Close of Service) date I had right before Christmas, that would have brought me home from Madagascar just in time for this first Christmas home since 2006. And... I'm cheering for the TRIBE football team, who won convincingly over third-seeded Southern Illinois yesterday, tying the school record for the most wins in a season, with the program's first EVER playoff win on the road. So awesome... we play Villanova, who handed us one of our two losses of the regular season, at Villanova this upcoming Friday night in the national semifinals. I'm pretty stoked.

I hope this was an informative update on my life... anyone still read this?

and...just kidding

2009-09-19T17:43:00.000-07:00

Well folks, here we are, mid-September. If you've been keeping up, you know that the plan for a while now has been for a group of us who are planning to reinstate with Peace Corps to leave at the end of the month for Madagascar. I was planning to go back for a year, and was getting very excited about it. As you may be guessing already from my use of the past tense, that plan is no more. Peace Corps, after a lot of consulting and conferring and things like that, made a decision of which they informed us by phone call from DC on Thursday afternoon: the recent escalating tensions and ratcheting up of demonstration capabilities between the parties has basically made the situation in Tana one in which they are not comfortable putting volunteers. The situation isn't all that bad yet, but has a lot of potential, just as of the last few weeks; it's too bad we didn't go back a few weeks or a month ago, because things had been calm for months! Their plan for now is not to cancel our reinstatement, but to postpone it by 45 days, though it will be canceled altogether after that if things are not resolved by mid-November. Unfortunately, for many of us, this is causing a second-guessing of our plans, not just a simple six week delay; the reasons for this are manifold. Of course, many people feel as if they've put off "real life" for long enough, or as if they've been strung along for too long now. The uncertainty that will remain between now and November is another issue.

As for me, I don't know for sure what I'll do yet. I have definite leanings, but will need a few days to get some space between this decision and myself before I can really seriously make a decision. I thought it was appropriate, however, to make clear publicly some of the things that are going through my head, as I've found myself explaining these same things many times even over the first day or two since finding out.

First of all, if all my options were on the table and I could do any of them tomorrow, I would go back to Madagascar in a heartbeat. I know that even more so now. I feel much the same way that I did when I found out about the decision to evacuate in March, and those feelings are showing me in ways I never would have realized otherwise how much I loved my life there. I think about Madagascar every day, and I left over six months ago. I probably talk about Madagascar every day; ask people who spend a lot of time around me how sick of it they are. I loved the people in my town; I loved the laid-back lifestyle in my town; I loved chatting with people at the hospital and helping them understand new things; I loved my co-workers; I (sometimes) loved hanging out with the middle schoolers who would inevitably stop by with new questions and requests every day on their way home; I loved sitting on my front step with a book watching traffic go by on the main road; I loved the food; I loved the language; I loved the other volunteers who lived in the area; I had a new puppy who I was quickly growing to love; there were so many more little things, things that pop into my head without warning every day. I left without telling anyone goodbye in person, due to circumstances I couldn't control, and I've never stopped regretting allowing things to work out that way, allowing myself to be so careless as to leave my town one morning and tell people I would see them in a few days, though I of course couldn't have known how things would end up. I have friends from my town and area who still call me and want to know when I'll be back; I can't imagine how I'll tell them if I don't go back. I left just as I was really getting to feel at home and to feel like I really knew what I was doing; I had good friends, I had learned how to get things done in my town, I knew the language well enough to really understand and make myself understood, to use slang and joke around, and I had begun working toward goals for the remaining several months of my service. Three days before I left Vohitsara, I was involved in the celebration for International Women's Day, a celebration we had had to cancel my first year due to some deaths in the community, and I spent part of the day giving a formal speech about handwashing and sanitation to the community, part of the day hanging out with others who had come to celebrate, and part of the day walking around in a parade that culminated in a dust cloud as all the women of Vohitsara "cleaned" the town. I had never felt so much a part of the community, not a token foreigner being paraded around, but someone doing my share, contributing, appreciating and being appreciated. All the same, as just about any Peace Corps volunteer will tell you about their experience, I left with the distinct feeling that I was given much more than I contributed; I have much I still owe and would still love to give back to Vohitsara.

That was a long paragraph about why I would love to go back. You may be wondering why it's even a question for me. I also don't think I can explain very clearly and efficiently why waiting around some more would be so hard. But let's start with what I already made clear. I loved it there. I was getting so excited to go back, and I had just found out three days before this decision was made that I was officially going back to my same town! Friends there have been eagerly anticipating my return. Like I said, I think about this every day...and have for six months. 180 days. I left against my will, without any closure, in the midst of a rapidly deteriorating political situation, and as a result have spent the last several months planning everything around this hope of going back. I cannot emphasize enough that Madagascar is a big and spread-out place, and my town and entire region were and have remained totally safe and calm this entire time; I never once felt as though I was in danger, and while I understand Peace Corps's decision, that factor, and the difficulty of making it understood to friends there that this is not my choice, only made it much harder to leave and will make it much harder not to go back, if I don't go back - particularly if that is, to an extent, my choice. This is what I've been waiting on and hoping for - and I don't think I can handle the waiting around and hoping any longer. I have no idea if November will work out, but I can't imagine being devastated by another decision like this. I can't imagine spending another two months in limbo, hoping this time things will go better, only to find out at the end that all my hoping was for nothing. I knew after several months of this waiting and hoping that I needed to do something in September - either go to Madagascar, or call it off totally and move on, and make other plans. Now it feels like I'm being called out on that September ultimatum. I feel as though I haven't been fully present anywhere over the last six months, as Madagascar is always somewhere in the back (or front) of my mind; moving on to a new next step would make a big difference, I'm convinced. I could wait around some more; six weeks isn't that long, as many people have pointed out. Or I could move on and accept that the current Madagascar phase is over, hopefully to resume later on. Neither is ideal; this is obviously not the easiest decision, and I don't think I'll be totally satisfied with my decision either way, honestly. I don't know what else to do though.

Thanks for reading, and thanks so much for all your support; I really appreciate it. I intend to keep up with this blog whatever I end up doing; the "madagasikara" in the URL is surely something that will always be a part of me, wherever I end up.

some of the best news of 2009!

2009-08-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

hey there all,

the blog is revamped and ready for madagascar 3: return to the island! (as you know, madagascar 2: escape to africa wasn't too far off what happened a few months ago.) i've updated it with a new template, some contact info (which is not actually currently valid), a newsfeed (see the bottom), some informational links, and, best of all, a wish list! a brief clarification: i had second thoughts about the wish list, as i don't want anyone to feel unnecessarily pressured to send things, but you'll notice the first thing is LETTERS, the thing that i really do most enjoy getting from home, and something i actually don't feel bad about pressuring people to send because it costs less than a dollar (probably not for very long, though...it was 98 cents last time i sent something). another inexpensive option is a CD or DVD, maybe something used or a mix CD of your favorite tunes...very light and cheap to send. the other options are heavier things, and i've included a link to my wish list on amazon.com. they do ship to madagascar! i'm a big proponent of buying used books there, as they are usually in mint condition and can be bought for virtually nothing. however, please know that i don't expect anyone to send me anything out of your price range. i've spent much of this summer trying to figure out how i can afford putting together and sending care packages to many of my friends who are living all over the world, and they can all tell you that i haven't gotten much sent...so i don't want anyone to stress out about sending me things. i'll be fine either way, but i know some people want to send things and want some guidance on what is best to send, so there are some suggestions! also, i haven't had any experiences of chocolate melting, at least anything bad enough to convince me to stop having chocolate sent, so don't let that worry stop you :).

so, blog revamping! wish lists and mailing information! "what can all this mean, kathryn?", you must be wondering. well, the big news is that peace corps has decided, through a long, drawn-out, suspenseful (but with my best interests in mind) decision process, to reinstate volunteers in madagascar! if you've followed the news at all, you probably know that politically, things in madagascar are still a little bit up in the air. earlier this month four political stakeholders, including the parties of former president ravalomanana and current president/ex-DJ rajoelina, met with a fifth-party AU-appointed mediator in maputo, the capital of mozambique, and decided on terms, including a transitional government and elections within 15 months, that are designed to end this political crisis. it turns out that not all of the terms for the government of the next 15 months are set, so they are meeting again this upcoming week to decide on those terms, including who will be the president (rajoelina has once again declared himself president; ravalomanana has backed out). sounds like still sort of a mess, right? however, the important thing, as far as peace corps seems to be concerned, is not necessarily that there's a democratically-elected president in office, but that life in general is going on like normal. when we left in march, the situation was becoming chaotic and increasingly volatile. there were literally tanks rolling through the capital and there seemed to be uncertainty over whether all volunteers would get out on commercial flights. now, the political situation is still a bit of a mess, but they seem to be moving toward a decision, and more importantly, the vast majority of malagasy people are going on with their normal lives. people work; people go to school; goods move around the country. a town like vohitsara is not paralyzed, or probably even really affected, by the political crisis; they had a good rice harvest in may and now kids are probably getting ready to go back to school soon, just like here. they're hundreds of kilometers from the capital, and happenings in the political offices of antananarivo have little to no effect on how they live their lives. i suspect that's the case in much of madagascar, and on top of that, areas that were affected by the crisis in february/march/april need peace corps volunteers now more than ever, as they try to move on with their normal lives. i cannot emphasize enough how safe and normal things were for me in my town and region before we evacuated, and therefore how difficult that made it to evacuate; now, i expect things to once again be safe and normal in my town and region, and i find that it would be much more difficult to stay here than it will be to go back.

that said, things won't be the same at all. there were about 130 of us who evacuated, and my somewhat-informed guess is that 20 or 30 of us will reinstate. this is normal, as people can't sit around waiting for reinstatement forever, and peace corps knows that. they'll place all of us in one of four geographical regions that they are reopening; all of these regions have remained calm over the last six months, have good cell phone service available in towns where volunteers will be placed, and are accessible either by a good road or by regular flights to tana, the capital where the main international airport is. one of the regions is the one where i lived, and in fact i heard from a friend in vohitsara today who said that there was a peace corps vehicle in town on thursday doing some final checks before reinstating volunteers! (that was all i caught in the broken malagasy that i now converse in.) i know we'll have some different regulations governing things like frequency of communication with peace corps and whether we can leave our sites, for what reasons, and where we can go. these regulations may make you think that tana, or other big cities, are still extremely dangerous places to be, but the fact is that in almost all of the country, including almost all parts of big cities, things seem to be calm and normal; i have friends (foreigners and malagasy) who live in tana and other places, go about their daily lives, and seem to feel safe. however, i think peace corps is playing it safe, and rightly so, and i would rather hang out in a small town than in a place like tana anyway!

the plan is to depart the US for madagascar on september 30, and the policy for those of us who have served over a year is that we need to reinstate for a minimum of a year, which makes sense because you can get so much less done in a year in madagascar than you can in a year in virginia beach, for example. i imagine that even if i'm in the same town, i'll still spend the first weeks/months just sort of re-establishing things, reminding people of why i'm there, and that kind of thing. that's just how it is, especially as a foreigner integrating into a community, and no amount of language skills or people skills would eliminate that process. as far as placement in the same town, i really don't know what to expect. if given the choice, i would choose to return to vohitsara. i know that volunteers will be reinstated in my region, and i have good reason to suspect that a health volunteer will be placed in my town, so a big part of me expects and hopes that that will be me. however, we've been instructed to have no expectations for this, basically, so i'm preparing myself for any eventuality, and honestly, i would love to go to a new town too, though as i said, i definitely have a first choice :). three other volunteers from my region (out of about nine of us?) are planning to reinstate or at the very least considering it and waiting on job prospects, etc.

as for me, i really can't imagine not going back at this point. when i came home, i was trying to prepare myself not to return to madagascar anytime soon, and having a really hard time. the way that i left was so hard, and i felt so strongly (and still do feel) such a lack of closure, and now that i've really had time to consider everything as much as possible, i'm convinced that going back would be not just a way to get some closure and leave eventually on my own terms, but also something i can easily imagine spending the next year doing and loving. i realize things won't be the same, in just about every way. i realize i'm opening myself up to the potential for another unhappy ending; things aren't totally resolved and another evacuation, while not imminent by any means, is, i think, not impossible, and even the thought of going through that again is almost more than i can take. if i'm stubborn, i might not ever get to leave madagascar on my terms. i also realize now more than i did the first time i went how many things there are that i'll miss about home; you appreciate those things so much more when you've been away, and at the same time they become normal and will require adjustment once again. the food here tastes normal now. i expect good customer service. clean feels normal to me, not like it's a special occasion. i walk around the house barefoot and still don't have to scrub my feet multiple times a day, and i don't even think about that as i roll out of bed and put my bare feet on the floor. i communicate, video chat even, at the touch of a button, with friends all over the world, and it doesn't even cost me anything extra. i don't carry toilet paper when i go out of the house. i hop in the car and drive places. i have access to all kinds of music, and i can play it anytime i want to without having to worry about batteries or anything. on top of all of that, i can see my family and many friends just about anytime i want to, and even those friends who are far away are so much more reachable here, and i've seen most of them since i've been home (i know, bobby, i'm totally lame for not finding 400 bucks to come to guatemala). at times, being home has been really hard, mostly just because of the way i ended up here and the uncertainty i've dealt with over the last several months, but when i really think about it, i've got it made, and if you don't consider the alternative, it doesn't make much sense to leave.

all that said, as much as being home has made me realize how easy and convenient life is here, and how much there is that i'll miss when i'm re-adjusting to malagasy life, it's also made me realize, more than i ever imagined it could, how much i loved it in madagascar and how good i had it there too. life here is so convenient; life there is so simple. life here is full of things to look at and see and do and prevent boredom; life there is full of...reading. i've realized how true my answer always was to many malagasy friends' favorite question: which do you like better, the united states or madagascar? they probably expected to hear the united states, as they were often surprised that a foreigner could enjoy living in a small malagasy town like vohitsara, but i always answered: "samy tiako, fa am'izao fotoana izao, tiako mipetraka aty" that is, i like them both, but right now, i like living in madagascar. then i would proceed to list some of the reasons i just listed here: life is simple, it's calm and safe, the air is clean, the food is fresh, the people are amazing. samy tiako...i could easily make a case for either one, but for now, i can't wait to belong in madland again.

it's all played out

2009-06-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

who would have imagined all this a few months ago...

i'm in virginia beach. i have no idea if anyone checks this blog anymore, since i left madagascar about two and a half months ago, but i was thinking the other day that i should post an occasional update even though i'm home now. the decision was announced on the evening of march 11 to suspend the peace corps program in madagascar, and i left on the second flight out on march 14. i was in tana, the capital, on the night we heard we were evacuating, and i left with little more than a backpack containing a few articles of clothing and most of my more valuable and irreplaceable items (journals, cds, letters, photos, etc.). i had tentatively packed to be ready to leave when i went to consolidation in late january, and i never really totally unpacked from that, so i knew when i left my house on march 10 that i might not come back, but nothing could have prepared me for the devastation i felt when i got a text message on the evening of the 11th and reality came crashing down, the reality that not only was this all the stuff i would be able to bring to the US, but on top of that, one of the worst realities i could have imagined - i wouldn't get to say goodbye to most of my malagasy friends, except over the phone (and some of my good friends in vohitsara don't have phones).

it's been a long process since then, and after spending a week having a COS/evacuation conference in south africa, another week traveling through cairo and athens with some good friends, a couple weeks at home, a couple more in china visiting my best friends from college, and most recently, a couple visiting friends from peace corps in various locations throughout ohio, michigan, illinois, and wisconsin, i still don't really know what i'm doing. i've had some time to process things, naturally, and have begun to consider where i might be headed in upcoming weeks, months, and years, but i wouldn't say i'm over anything, especially after the way i left madagascar. i still feel a tremendous lack of closure, of course, and feel like i will definitely go visit madagascar again soon, if i don't go back more long-term with peace corps or otherwise. there is a chance i could go back with peace corps relatively soon, which at this point sounds like something i would love to do. as far as my US life goes, i'm realizing more and more that i don't necessarily think of this as a "default" location anymore; that is to say, i'm struggling with the concept of "home." i think my family and friends here bring me back here as a sort of default, that and the fact that i sort of feel like i can go back to virginia beach anytime, but i also sort of feel like i can't, because it's hard when you go somewhere and change and your hometown doesn't change with you. nonetheless, i'll be spending at least the next couple months here in virginia beach with my family, looking into job possibilities and maybe some grad school possibilities for fall 2010, while i consider going back to madagascar sometime within the next year. i'll try to keep writing in this blog and use it to keep anyone posted who's interested in what's up...feel free to shoot me an email too, though, as i have regular email access in the US! wahoo! later friends.

me oh my

2009-02-25T09:05:00.000-08:00

...how times have changed.

i can't believe i last updated this from PARIS. sorry about the lapse in communication, it's hard to get a decent internet connection sometimes in ambato (i mean, waiting 30 minutes for the gmail login page to load), so now that i'm back in tana for a couple days i owe you all a good update. as some of you may have heard in recent weeks, there's been some political stuff going on in madagascar that may or may not have made it into the western media consciousness enough for you all to be aware of it. first of all, you should know that i haven't been in danger at all anywhere that i've been for the whole time this has been going on. if you're convinced that i must be impacted by anything that goes on in the capital of madagascar, ask my parents, dan, or sydney, all of whom have been to my town and can attest that it's very remote and nowhere near tana.

second of all, here's what has actually gone on over the last few weeks (cliffs notes version): the mayor of antananarivo (the capital/tana), who is from a different political party than the president of madagascar, began rallying people in opposition to the president several weeks ago. protests started calmly, but a few weeks ago, toward the end of january, several places in tana, some owned by the president, were looted and burned, all in one day, and the following day similar copycat looting and burning happened in some provincial areas. (side note: the president has a rice factory in the alaotra mangoro area, where i live, and it remains untouched through all of this.) things seemed to calm down after those two days, but rallies and protests continued. most were peaceful but a few saturdays ago the former mayor (who wants to be president) led a crowd of protesters to the president's palace, where they were met by military who opened fire. i heard 54 people were killed, over 200 injured. since then things have stayed calm, aside from a few isolated minor events in some provincial areas. in recent days there have even been face-to-face meetings and negotiations between the president and former mayor, something the international community has been pushing for all along and, in most opinions, a big step in the right direction.

of course, everyone in the country is impacted by what goes on in tana, because all roads (literally) lead to tana and when basic supplies become unavailable or scarce in tana it affects everyone, but the area where i live is remote enough that it's remained safe and calm this whole time, and self-sufficient enough that people there don't seem to be quite as affected by nationwide shortages as people in other areas--rice, vegetables, fruits, livestock, etc. are all abundant in the alaotra mangoro area, so most things have remained readily available, and prices have stayed pretty normal.

where have peace corps volunteers been through all of this, you may be wondering...well, early on in the whole situation, toward the end of january, we were consolidated at a few points throughout the country where peace corps could know we were safe and be ready to evacuate us should the need arise. after about two and a half weeks there, because things seemed to be tending toward calm and because the vast majority of the country, and almost all of our sites (those whose sites were not calm were, in some cases, not allowed to return), stayed calm throughout the entirety of these few weeks, we were allowed to return to our sites, with new regulations in effect as far as staying in daily communication with peace corps, getting express permission anytime we leave our sites, etc. all of the staff was incredibly hard-working, supportive, and willing to go the extra mile to boost our sagging morale throughout all of this. i couldn't be happier to have been allowed to return to my site (although now i'm in tana again, for non-politically-related reasons), especially after a few weeks of not knowing if i would be able to go back; much of the time we were consolidated, at the peace corps training center east of here, we were afraid our evacuation was imminent and we couldn't imagine having to leave our towns without being able to say goodbye. i went back for a few days of the good ole' small town life before coming back here to tana to meet SARAH YATES who is arriving tomorrow HOORAY! she'll be here for three weeks and i don't think either of us could be more excited.

alright, i hope this update was more informative than the last few times you checked my blog, only to find my update from paris in december. i'll try to keep you all posted on any new developments in the situation, or at least have my family do so when i'm not around a fast internet connection like this! thanks to all of you who have expressed concern over the last few weeks, and don't worry, if you could see where i live you would know i'm more than fine.

world tour

2008-12-05T12:02:00.000-08:00

you wouldn't think, would you, that a trip from washington to madagascar could include stops in newark, amsterdam, paris, AND johannesburg, would you...i wouldn't have thought so either, but now that i've seen parts of just about every quadrant of every hemisphere, my 50-minute turned 13-hour stop in paris is almost over, and i'm finally off to the southern hemisphere. if all goes as scheduled (and who's to say it will...but still) i should be back in madagascar by 5:40 local time tomorrow afternoon. awesome. it'll be nice to finally have an end to a 2-plus-day journey, especially an end that includes LYCHEES (it's lychee season now...and if you've never had lychees, they're just about the best fruit ever).

well, i really don't have time to write a whole lot, i hate to say, because i paid for 30 minutes on this computer and it's nearing its end already, but just know that i'm almost back in madagascar. for those of you who i didn't get to see, regrettably, and those who i did too, my trip home was fantastic, and it was great to see everyone. the trips there and back haven't really been much to write home about (except in the style in which i'm writing now, i guess), but being there was great. ok, i'm off to the gate, and then off to africa! finally! BYEbye!

getting ready to leave the ground

2008-11-11T22:47:00.000-08:00

november 12...i'm in tana, flight leaves in the morning, i've eaten my first lychees of the season so i think i can make it until december to eat more...so i guess i'm ready to go.

as all of you probably know and/or can imagine, i'm really excited to be going home. a little nervous, too, that i'll forget all the american social conventions that aren't in effect here, but mostly excited. in other recent news, we just finished our lac alaotra girls' camp last sunday...we brought 20 middle school girls to andasibe, a national park east of tana, and to tana, the capital of madagascar, for a week of health, environment, and empowerment/decision-making/goal-setting types of things. it was exhausting, but went really well. i think all the girls had a great time, and we did too. i also ate rice 3 times a day for about 8 days, which i think stretched out my stomach sufficiently to be as prepared for american food as i can be from here. so this was good timing for a vacation.

i came to tana on the longest taxi-brousse ride ever, 13 hours from ambatondrazaka to here (it should be about 7...or maybe 3 or 4 if they were american roads and cars). but i'm here now and finishing up stuff around town before i fly out tomorrow morning! i'll see you all soon, and i will have plenty of pictures/stories/appetite for delicious american food. you get the idea.

hazakazaka am-bisikileta

2008-10-05T01:51:00.000-07:00

"bike race," that is...so here i am, rocking tamatave, a big city on the east coast. this week was the fourth annual bike race to fight HIV/AIDS, and i arrived here in town on tuesday to help out. we spent a couple of days working in different teams, teaching at schools or to other groups of people about HIV/AIDS, and then yesterday we spent all day working at the bike race, foot race, and rickshaw race to promote HIV/AIDS awareness/prevention. my job mostly consisted of sitting in a tent being swarmed by people. it was awesome. i head back to good ole' lac alaotra tomorrow, and then next week my friend ben is organizing an HIV/AIDS week at his site on the other side of lac alaotra, and then in november things really pick up...girls' camp, trip home, mom and dad and dan here at christmas, etc.

i don't have time to write a whole lot, mostly because we're about to go get lunch. it's not a good excuse, but at least i'm honest. more later BYEbye!

dancing in september

2008-09-13T02:06:00.000-07:00

greetings and happy september to you all…i hope many of you are enjoying being back to school, etc. as much as i’m appreciating the gradual end of winter here on the plateau. the latest big news here in the alaotra mangoro region of madagascar (i have no idea if this is news in the u.s., especially less than two months before the election) is that jim carrey was in amparafaravola, my district town, about 50 km south of my town, a week or two ago? i’m not really sure when, but i heard about it on the radio last weekend…my first reaction was, “did they just say jim carrey?” then i heard, heavily accented but clearly discernible nonetheless, “ace ventura,” and i figured out they must be talking about THAT jim carrey. i didn’t meet him, although when i heard i have to admit i ever-so-briefly considered going down to amparafaravola and asking around to see if he was still there, just because how often do you get the chance to meet jim carrey in madagascar.

in other news, though, i’m here in ambato for the weekend, getting ready for a meeting with other volunteers tomorrow about our girls’ camp that we’re planning for the first week of november. i spent the morning doing a little bit of scoping out of hotels here in town for late december, when my parents and dan will be here, and was pretty excited about what i found, and i can’t believe how quickly december is approaching! november, too, of course…i fly out of tana two months from today for my trip home!

this past thursday i went to my first famadihana, an exhumation or “turning of the bones” ceremony that you might hear about if you do any kind of research into malagasy cultural traditions. they’re a pretty big deal, and there was one in vohitsara a couple of weeks ago but i couldn’t make it, so i was glad to be able to go to this one, even just for a few minutes. ancestors are pretty important here, and people put a lot of effort and money into building family graves and doing various cultural things involving funerals, exhumations, etc. because of the importance they place on ancestors. so i was excited to be able to see what this ceremony was like, and i went late thursday afternoon with some people who work at a little office next to my house. we arrived and went into a little room/tent area where it seemed one family, or part of a family was sitting, and some old pictures of family members who i presume had already died were around the room/tent. people gave a few little speeches, and the people i was with gave the family an envelope with some money in it that they had brought. i was a little too far away to hear very well what was being said the whole time, but after visiting that family i thought we might visit one or two others. i was wrong, it turns out, but it was nice to see a little bit of what went on anyway. i had been with friends in town before to visit families of people who had died, and up to this point things went pretty similarly to how that usually goes. after we went to see that one family, though, we spent a while standing around and somebody told me we were going to eat rice. it was getting close to dinnertime, and i wondered if people would leave to go home for dinner or what, but soon we were ushered, or shoved, into a sort of holding area for the rice-eating area. they tried to let a few people in to eat, the mayor and some other dignitaries, when suddenly the floodgates broke and everyone swarmed into the tent designated for eating rice. i got pushed into several people, separated from the people i was there with, and then found them once again, just in time to realize that people were squatting in two lines facing each other on either side of several long lines of alternating bowls of rice and broth. i found a spot, assisted by some helpful friends who seemed to be looking out for me in all the chaos, and squatted along with everybody, spoon in hand (everyone had been given a spoon), to realize these were communal bowls of rice and broth and that everyone else was digging in. before i could think too much about it, i dug in too, and there were people whose job seemed to be to walk around with huge bowls of rice and buckets of broth with a few pieces of meat or fat floating in the broth, refilling the communal bowls in front of us. we ate for a while, and the bowls continued to be replenished until we decided, one by one, that we were either too full or too tired of squatting to possibly eat one more bite. somebody brought around a plate full of little cups of ranonapango, the hot rice water that follows up most rice meals, for us to wash everything down. all in all, it was an interesting experience, and one in which i sort of felt like i and my fellow townspeople were all farm animals being fed from a trough, pushing and shoving for a space and eating ravenously, or something like that, but i’m glad i went and was able to experience something so unique, or at least so unique for someone who’s lived in the united states most of her life.

cuckoo for...coconuts?

2008-08-22T00:36:00.000-07:00

hi all...not much time for an update because i need to go take a hot shower (never have i appreciated hot showers like i do upon arriving in tana after a long taxi-brousse ride on a dusty road in the dry season) and then go eat a bagel sandwich and ice cream for lunch, YES. such is life in tana...i arrived back from the west coast this morning, after an 18- or 19-hour ride, and tomorrow morning will leave for the comparably short (8-ish-hour) ride back up to lac alaotra. morondava was good...way hotter than it is here, way sandier too. we actually spent most of our time at this big festival called fitampoha on a beach near a town called belo, 100 km or so north of morondava. it was on the banks of the tsiribihinia river...or something spelled similarly to that. ten of us stayed in this grass hut on the beach, bathed in the river, relieved ourselves in the...area of the beach designated as a public bathroom, and ate some rice and a lot of fried street food that people were selling. i was only there for four days or so, but we had time to do a lot of teaching about HIV/AIDS, so that was cool, and it was interesting to see a totally different part of the country. i got some pretty good pictures of baobab trees on the road from morondava to belo, so look forward to those in november. i also bought about 15 or 20 coconuts, mostly to bring back to friends in vohitsara, although i'll keep one or two for myself as well...if i manage to get the bag of them all the way there. when you leave town to go, well, anywhere, people except you to bring what's called a "voandalana," like a gift from wherever you went. the idea is to bring something that is hard to get or more expensive in your town/area, but when i go to my banking town people always ask for a voandalana even though the fruit/vegetables/etc. are just about the same there as in my town. so, since i was over on the coast in an area very agriculturally different from my area, i went ahead and bought all those coconuts, for pretty cheap, and i think people will be overjoyed to get a real voandalana this time around.

ok, time for that hot shower and bagel and ice cream lunch...also i promised somebody else i would be off this computer soon, as the line to use it is forever existent. so my reasons for leaving are manyfold. but i will update again soon, and if you read this let me know what's up with YOU, via comment, email, or LETTER! talk to you all soon!

mihinam-bary BE

2008-08-03T05:46:00.000-07:00

that means "to eat a LOT of rice"

this week i went to my first malagasy wedding, an affair full of food, fun, dancing, a LOT of dust (my first dirt dance floor), and more rice than i thought i could eat...but i was wrong.

i want to take this opportunity to emphasize once again what i see i wrote about in may, that is, that i have very little left to speak of in the way of communication or social skills. i was talking to sarah yates, in cape town, about how we never talk on the phone anymore (except with our parents, who must not except good phone skills from us) so we don't really remember how to talk on the phone. you wouldn't think that requires much skill, but you'd be surprised. you pay by the minute here for phone calls, within or without madagascar, so volunteers do a lot of our communicating with each other by text, and most conversations are pretty to the point, meaning when you call somebody just to talk, it's surprisingly difficult to do so. i think the same applies to my writing in my blog, and probably to writing letters as well, as many of you are aware. so, sorry. also, as i didn't know in may, i'll be home in november, for about three weeks (including THANKSGIVING ahh turkey and mashed potatoes and stuffing oh my...i'm going to eat an ENTIRE pumpkin pie and i'm not kidding). kanene and jason, friends from w&m who many of you know, are getting married and even a hemisphere or two can't keep me away...so my lack of american social skills will be readily apparent to you all sooner than i thought when i last wrote about that.

so, i've been around vohitsara and the lac alaotra area for several months now, since sydney left in april, and in a few weeks that will change, perhaps drastically. i'm leaving for tana around the 12th (next tuesday...and dan's 25th birthday...that's old) and from there heading to morondava, a town on the west coast, to help out with HIV/AIDS education at a festival going on there. it sounds like it'll be a good time, business- and other-wise, and i've never been to any malagasy coast, so i'm excited to finally get out of the plateau bubble. as i learned from a certain religious studies professor at w&m, what does she know of the central plateau of madagascar who only the central plateau of madagascar knows? thanks, mr. holmes.

i'll be back in vohitsara by the 25th or so, but i have a lot of additional plans, most of them tentative at best, in the upcoming months, hence the aforementioned drastic change in my lac-alaotra-focused life. in early september a friend on the other side of the lake is having an HIV/AIDS education week in his town, so i'll probably help out with that, and then in later september/early october i'm hoping to help train the new health volunteers who arrive in country, and also perhaps work with other volunteers on a bike race on the east coast promoting HIV/AIDS education/prevention. you might think HIV/AIDS stuff is all we do around here, but that's the focus of a lot of our projects in spite of, or perhaps because of, the fact that madagascar has a much much lower HIV-positive rate than most of mainland sub-saharan africa. it's sort of like madagascar has a chance to see what's happening just across the water and learn how NOT to let that happen here, so we talk a lot about preventing the spread of HIV while it's as easy as it is now.

after all that training and AIDS education, i'm planning to work with some other volunteers in the lac alaotra area in late october/early november on a weeklong camp for middle school/high school age girls in our towns, something some of them were involved in last year and are continuing this year. THEN a week or two after that i'll be home on vacation (november 14-december 4), and back here for a couple of weeks before my parents and dan come for christmas and new year's!

more information will be forthcoming about all of the aforementioned projects...but that's a tentative schedule of my life for the rest of 2008. the battery's getting low on this computer...and i haven't eaten rice in a few hours...so i'm going to go. send me a letter when you can!

i take back my hatred for french keyboards

2008-05-24T06:34:00.000-07:00

i'm using an american keyboard right now and it's SO hard because i got used to the french ones. ugh...anyway, also regarding my previous blog post, apparently that taxi driver in tana does have my phone, and if you call him and ask for kathryn he will tell you that's his name. jerkface. somebody who i met today, who somehow had my old number (long story, obvi) had talked to him and told me, oh yeah, your phone's in ivandry (a neighborhood in tana). what. lame.

anyway, i'm in ambato, once again, and i've been here all week this time, teaching about HIV/AIDS at the lycee (like a high school) here in town with two other health volunteers and our education volunteer friend who teaches at the lycee. it's been a good time, though an exhausting time, because it turns out ed volunteers do about 90% of the work of all PC volunteers in madagascar. living the life of an ed volunteer for a week, having to be at school at 7 every morning, teaching 3 2-hour classes in a day, etc. has made me soooo excited to go back to the life of a health volunteer when i get to vohitsara tomorrow.

yes. in other news, i'll be in vohitsara for two weeks before i come back here on june 7th for a meeting with other volunteers in the area, and to attend one of two competing concerts happening in town at the same time, tsiliva and ambondrona. what kind of marketing tactic is that. i've been in my town for almost six months, how crazy is that.

ambato has ice cream and i've eaten it almost every day this week. that is clearly the highlight of this blog post.

i also have a pet lemur and chameleon. that's not true, but i did see a huge black and white striped chameleon (that must have just been riding on a zebra's back, i concluded) fight a dog...and win.

sorry my blogwriting skills have gone so far downhill...i don't remember how to talk to american audiences anymore. i'll have no social skills at all left by december 2009.

efa feno ny enim-bolana

2008-04-03T09:03:00.000-07:00

french keyboards are the bane of my existence...you wait two months to check your email, you spend the whole time backspacing. anyway SYDNEY'S here, right now. we're rocking tana tourist-style till saturday morning, then heading back to the homestead. i just finished IST, also known as in-service training, where all of us health volunteers got together for a few glorious days of telling stories from our first few months in our towns, eating brownies and macaroni and cheese, and experiencing more structure, and therefore more stress, than we have in four months. it made me wonder if any of us will ever, one day, get used to life in the fast lane that is america. i already can't imagine it after just a few months.

PS i lost my cell phone, totally lame i know. it fell out of my pocket in a taxi here in tana a few nights ago, and we called it a couple times but the driver decided to be a jerk and steal it. so 70,000 ariary later, here's my new number, should you need/want it: 261.32.55.727.83. the old one is no longer in my hands, so don't call it unless you know enough malagasy to give a taxi driver a piece of your mind...and if you do, please do call, by all means.

alright, the internet time's about to run out, see you all next time, same bat time, same bat channel.

live from ambato

2008-02-09T07:29:00.000-08:00

february in ambatondrazaka...here we are in the middle of the rainy season

and when i say "the middle of the rainy season," what i mean by that is "hold your breath, vohitsara hasn't flooded yet." BUT, i'm here in ambato for the weekend, AND i'm currently celebrating my two-month anniversary of my arrival at site, signified in all of your lives by my two-month absence from the internet. everything in vohitsara is good, though...i've gotten used to the staring, the constant attention, the kids climbing through my windows when i lock the door, etc., and i like to think i'm at least a little better at the language than i was two months ago, and that people are getting more used to seeing a whitey around town.

i don't have a whole lot of time to write, so all of you...write me a letter, and i will send you more details about my life. but know that i'm good, that vohitsara's good, that i held a LEMUR in my own two hands last night AND ate frog for the first time, not at the same time, but still.

as they say in gasy, mandrapiona (i don't know how to spell that?), and as they say in america, BYEbye!

ps! happy birthday gammy! i'm going to try to call on thursday...and to all of you who aren't gammy, happy v-day, eat some chocolate

FOUR not six

2007-12-03T00:38:00.000-08:00

correction: my cell phone number is

261.32.51.554.82

NOT the old number.

sorry for the confusion, it was the cell phone company's fault. and as soon as i learn this language i'm sending them a strongly worded letter.

vita ny training

2007-12-02T06:05:00.000-08:00

that means...training is done. in malagasy.

i should warn you all that my english is TERRIBLE now, so i apologize for any grammatical errors. in exchange for this failure of my first language, i am officially intermediate high, the level required by peace corps to go live in a malagasy village. awe$ome.

i also apologize for my last blog entry...i had JUST gotten back from visiting vohitsara and i was WAY tired. but since i realize many of you haven't heard from me at all since mid-september (if you write to me i WILL write back, your own personalized response, just a ps), i want to try to actually update everyone as to what's going on in my life, even though i think my mom's updates in the comments on various posts are probably actually more informational.

so training is basically over...we just spent the weekend at the SWEET peace corps training center in mantasoa, this town about an hour or two away, and now we're back in tana until wednesday morning. we're doing various pre-swearing-in things, and shopping for our houses at our sites, and whatnot, and then tuesday is swearing-in, when we actually officially become peace corps volunteers. wednesday morning we leave to go get "installed" at our sites, which essentially entails going to the bank, going shopping for everything (my house is sweet but it's totally empty), and meeting various officials in and around our towns...the mayor, police, etc. then peace corps leaves, and it's us and the town...and about seven bags of stuff to unpack, awesome.

my town, as i've mentioned, is vohitsara, a little town about 7k or so down a dirt road from the main road that goes along the west coast of lac alaotra, a big lake kind of northeast of tana...look on a map, you'll see it. vohitsara will NOT be on the map, don't get confused. vohitsara is really close to the lake. the doctor at my hospital and i rode bikes from the main road through town down to the lake when i visited...there are a bunch of people who just live out there and fish and canoe all the time. and there are a LOT of fish in vohitsara, which is good because i got really good at eating whole fish with my fingers during training. i can't do it with a fork yet, too many bones, but i'm awesome at pulling all the bones out with my fingers. ok, what are things that you all actually WANT to know...i have a house in vohitsara. it has two rooms, the front of which is really big and the back of which is smaller...big enough for a twin bed and a little bit of stuff. but i can get more furniture and stuff for the front room, and hang out there and stuff. there's a front door and a back door, and a window in each room. and a little room off the front room for bucket showers. the latrine is outside, but at training the shower room was outside too, so it'll be sweet to be able to shower inside now. there's no electricity, but i mention that almost as an afterthought because i know people want to know...we didn't have electricity in our town at training, and it actually really is way easier to get used to than you probably think. i'll have to find a way to charge my cell phone, but otherwise it's fine.

ps MOM and DAD...i got the solio in the mail on friday! it came in like two weeks. speaking of charging things, that is...i can charge my phone with it BUT it's missing the cord that connects the solio to the tips that you use for different things (phones/ipods/etc.) apparently this happened to someone else (erin) that i'm here with, and her mom was able to order just the cord off solio's website, sooo maybe that can happen? don't go to too much trouble or anything, and i'll talk to you about it when i get some credit and can call, but in case you see this first, just a heads up. the charger is here, though, so that's good that it made it in one piece, and i got the candy and stocking and whatnot too, AND it made it in record time, right before i had to start using my new address. thanks!

ok, back to the rest of you...so i'm off to vohitsara really really soon. we all can't believe training's over, after all this time that all of us have spent together. i may not have internet for a while after next week. hopefully before we leave tana or during installation i can check my email one more time at least, but after that you never know, because apparently the internet in my banking town, ambatondrazaka, is terrible. and if i'm there over christmas or new year's that probably greatly decreases the likelihood of internet availability. so the moral of the story is, if you want to stay in touch, as much as you may not believe it, it really will be faster to send me a letter, NOT an email. AND this is the address that you should use, as it will get to me much much faster than if peace corps has to forward it from the training address (especially packages...they don't forward those so i have to wait till i go back to tana to get them):

Kathryn Waller, PCV
B.P. 12 Tanambe 504
Amparafaravola
Madagascar

it's only 90 cents from the u.s.! and i respond to every single letter i get, i promise! AND i love getting mail, like you wouldn't believe. also, should you desire to call me, remember we're 8 hours later than the u.s. and i go to bed at like 8:30, but call 261.32.51.556.82. i may not have service, or electricity at my site, but if you can get a hold of me i would LOVE to hear from you.

what else...i want to get a puppy. at my site. if you have name ideas you need to send them to me asap (but via mail, not email, if it's after like...december 4 or 5). i also need name ideas for the sweet bike i'm getting...i don't know if any name can be as good as good ole' scarlet fever, on the loose in williamsburg, but i'm going to try.

alright i need to go try to read a few emails and whatnot. we're taking our language tutors out to dinner at this nice restaurant here in town tonight, so i gotta do that soon. keep in touch and let me know what's up with you all!

springtime for kathryn in africa

2007-11-12T10:30:00.000-08:00

the title...i had to go there.

sooooo i don't really have a lot of time to write, but i wanted to update everyone (finally!) on the latest from madagascar. training is practically over, only about two or three weeks left till we swear in as peace corps volunteers. crazy. we spent the past several days visiting our sites, where we'll be in december. mine's vohitsara, as my mom wrote in one of the comments, and i like it a lot.

i didn't realize quite how prophetic it would be to title a past entry "mihinana vary aho"...oh gosh we eat so much rice here. that's madagascar.

so tonight we're in tana, the capital, and we're going back to our training site tomorrow...back to living with a host family, long hours of language classes, and getting a break from 10 to 10:30 every morning for snack yesssss.

ps i have a new address, for mail to my site, and i FORGOT to bring it with me here to the internet cafe. so keep sending mail to my training address and it can get forwarded to me at my site until i can get on here to update my address.

alright i gotta go, sorry this update is so short after a month and a half of no updates. i'll work on it for the future. yes. $weet.

send me emails! or mail! mail will reach me faster than emails, believe it or not. so do it to it.

the deep south

2007-09-28T01:06:00.000-07:00

greetings from madagascar. i apologize profusely for making anyone read that last update; why i thought writing it at 4 am was a good idea, i'm not sure. anyway, i don't have time really but i'm here. i love it. it's a lot to adjust to all at once, but it's good. the peace corps transit house where we are right now is really really nice, and this afternoon we head to our training site, sans electricity, and i presume internet as well, so i don't know when i can update next. i'll be sending mail when i can (almost $1.25 a pop to the u.s.?!). and when we get out of the training site i'll find some internet somewhere. i'm a little daunted at the thought of no electricity at all for ten weeks, maybe more, but i guess i'll get used to it. no ipod for a couple months is hardly a big deal when people around me are starving to death, i guess? our standards are so different, and maybe they shouldn't be. alas...i need to go let one of the other 18 trainees use this one computer, but keep in touch, please. madagascar will never replace any of you faithful blog readers in my heart.

leave it behind

2007-09-23T00:06:00.001-07:00

i leave tomorrow. well, today, when you get technical...it's 3 am. i have to get up at 6:15, shower, and finish those last minute packing things...toothpaste and such, you know. it's going to be a long day tomorrow when i have meetings and such to sit through. BUT after tonight i have no internet, or at least i'm not expecting to, so i figured a going-away blog entry was a now or never kind of thing.

this is it...BYEbye, as they say at little league games? i'm excited and nervous and everything else, and i've been thinking all day about everything i need to remember, more details than i ever would have imagined, and a lot of people took care of a lot of them for me too. it's hard to think about things like feelings and abstract concepts like a country you've never been to when you're busy thinking about things like remembering to pack every little thing for a journey that's a combination of moving to a foreign country and...camping in a foreign country. i got my brand-new hand-crank flashlight today, and that's exactly what it sounds like...i cranked it for less than thirty seconds and it worked for hours. awesome. anyway, now i'm all packed and all there is left to do is cut all my internet ties and get (literally) a couple hours of sleep before it's time to go to the airport.

i owe thanks to so many people that i could never possibly mention all of them, but basically everyone who's reading this has supported me in some way, whether giving me things i need to go, or sending me a card before i left, or just encouraging me in some way that made me a little less nervous about it. you're all so great. i can't write very well at 3:15 am, but know that i appreciate you all more than you know. i need to sleep, and i don't know when i can write again, but hopefully that next post will be filled with tales of adventures in madagascar and some information to answer all of your questions as well. sweet...ps i changed the settings on this so you can leave anonymous comments, not that i want comments that are actually anonymous, but if you don't have an account you can leave one now...so comment away!

mihinana vary aho

2007-09-13T15:38:00.000-07:00

that means "i eat rice" in malagasy. i know, awesome. it's the first sentence i learned when i discovered there was a pdf file of a transcript of the mp3 files the peace corps sent me to learn malagasy. for a while i had been listening to these clips that honestly sounded like gibberish and being like "how am i EVER going to learn this language?" finding the transcript was sort of akin to finding buried treasure, or at least to what i imagine that might be like, based on my limited experience.

alas, i'm going to madagascar. if you're reading this you probably know that, but just in case...i'm going with the peace corps and let's be honest, it's pretty exciting. i mean, it's madagascar. like the exotic capital of the world. us americans, we like to romanticize places like that, so we'll see, but for the time being at least, it's pretty exotic. and romantic. and glamorous. and all that. i'm going to be working in health and nutrition education, which means most of the time in a clinic, sometimes in the community and maybe also in schools? probably working alongside malagasy people doing some of the same stuff, and probably training people to do educational programs or something? i'm not really sure how it'll pan out day to day, but that's the idea. the forest, not the trees. speaking of trees, i'll be living amongst the flora and fauna of the world's fourth (or fifth?) biggest island, lemurs and cockroaches and such, either in my own room in a family's house or in my own little house on the grounds of the clinic. i'll be living like my neighbors, maybe with no electricity/running water. also glamorous till you're there, right? it'll probably be pretty humbling to get in this living situation that i may perceive as incredibly primitive, spartan, even insufficient...and know all along that most of the world lives like that. all the time. not by choice. they don't get a stipend from the u.s. government either. i guess my first ever madagascar blog entry isn't really the time to go into justice and loving your neighbor...

so maybe another time. for now, know that i'll update this when i can, which may be once a week or once a year. we'll see. they make it sound like we shouldn't count on phone or internet service, like letters are the most dependable way to communicate with family and friends, and then if those things are available in a particular situation it'll be a pleasant surprise. i think the thing is that things are different everywhere on the island, but it sounds like the peace corps will do a good job making sure my basic needs are provided for and more, and like things are advancing to the point that i'll probably get a cell phone, one that i can maybe even use sometimes! and like i'll maybe even be able to check my email once in a blue moon. we'll see. like most of you, i have a lot of questions, but i'm trying to kind of roll with the punches and realize that many of my questions will be answered when i get there...and maybe not even right away then. c'est la vie, as the malagasy say. if i knew any more malagasy besides "i eat rice," i might close with that, but since i don't, you'll have to come back another time. if you think you may be prone to forgetting the spelling of the malagasy word for madagascar, remember to save the link to this blog in your email or your favorites or...get it tattooed across your forehead, however you'll remember it best.

write me an email...or better yet, a letter. preferably one with a packet of kraft cheese powder stuffed in the envelope, for the next time i make pasta. i'll love you forever.